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[16 Nov 2005|11:58pm] |
fuck! my enhtry got eraseed so you will not know whaqt isw goin on in my life.. and you have to deal with the typos!
fuckity fuckity fuck fuck!
<3 me (an angry me)
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Be my lover, and I'll cover you...
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[01 Nov 2005|10:46pm] |
so apparently this journal has become a site where i just put in all of the useless surveys that i do cuz i really can tthink of another way to spend my time although i should probably be studying for somethin. i just cant think of a way to let everyting out.
last night i had a long talk with rick where he helped me sort out a lot of my stresses in my life but i still feel like something is not right. something is really bothering me and i cant get over it. i feel like im just out of place because every where i feel like i belong and that im comfortable, i dont really belong. i think it partially becasue i relocate so many times within a week. i move back and forth all the time. the majority of my life i spend traveling nowadays. i dont have a real place to call home. like at school i can go to third north but its nto my home. i have plenty of ppl that are there for me if i ever needed something but i only get to see them about once or twice a week cuz i have to actually do school work and its not MY place of residence. at my grand mother's house i am pretty much at home except i have all of my stuff crammed into 1.5 drawers and i sleep on the couch. and my mom has been staying her lately because once again she has been very irresponsible because she does not realized that she isnt the only person on the planet. at my aunt and uncles house i really am only ther for the purposes of sleeping. not that i dont love them and love hanging out twith my family it jsut reminds me hwo fucked up my nuclear family is. it of course does not help that my brother and sister are almost 90 miles away from me. i used to see them every day and i may have been annoyed with them but i love them and i miss them and i cant stand nto seeing them. and apparently my brother has chrones disease and i didnt find out until like 4 days ago. because apparently i dont need to knwo that my brother was in the hospital i mean i am only his fucking sister. did he just forget about me??? i am still fammily.
it jsut feels like i have a relation ship with everyone but none of them really count. there are only a few people who im actually really close with now. (you knwo who you are) its not that i dont wanna be close with certain other people but when i never see you and i never talk to you the relationshiop changes... and that is really hard to deal with.
o and apparently i cant register for classes becasuse nyu did nto recieve my immunization records even tho i sent them in august and my nyuhome account is nto working correctly and i dont knwo how to fix it and now there is going to be a ga strike and i dont wanna cross the picket line but i have to because i cant afford to fuck up my education. i need to do well to keep my scholarship to keep going there but if they picket the buildings that i need to go to its going to be a very hard decision.
well now i have to go to bed so that i can spend 1.5hours on the subway so taht i can go to 9 hours of class tomorrow!
yay for that.
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1 kiss * Be my lover, and I'll cover you...
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| because i am unable to write about my life because i have lost all power to convey all of my emotion |
[01 Nov 2005|10:35pm] |
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music |
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randomness |
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1. do you still talk to the person you lost your virginity to? im still with him :)
2. what would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons? make the eifle tower
3. what kind of music did you listen to in elementary school? rem and zeppelin and all of the old bands
4. what's the best thing about your current job? getting money
5. do you wish cellphone etiquette was required in class? Sure
6. are you against same sex marriage? no
7. have you been on a date in the last week? you could say that
8. where are you going on your next vacation? i was just in florida but i think we are going upstate in december
9. quote a song lyric: youre just jealous cuz were young and in love
10. are most of the friends in your life new or old? a mix of the two
11. do you own any furniture from ikea? i could marry ikea
12. do you like your parents? if you know me then you know the answer to that question
13. do you still live with them? no
14. what state/country are you from? Lon Giland
15. tell us about the last conversation you had: spoke to mattchu
16. where do you see yourself in one month? getting ready for xmas!!!
17. what is your favorite smell? mattchu
19. do you consider yourself bi-polar? um no?
20. what is the time and the outside temperature at the moment? 1040pm and chilly!
21. have you ever done anything vindictive to your coworkers? no they get themselves fired if i dont like them!
22. have you ever gone to therapy? for like a week...
23. have you ever played spin the bottle? Eh once or twice
24. have you ever toilet papered someone's house? no
25. have you ever liked someone but never told them? Probably
26. have you ever gone camping? no
27. have you ever had a crush on your sister's friend? yea
28. have you ever been to a nude beach? no
29. have you ever had sex on the beach? Nope
30. have you ever had a stalker? Kind of
31. have you ever gone skinny dipping? Nope .
32. have you ever laughed so hard you cried? hehe
33. have you ever gone to a party where you were the only sober one? no matt is always sober too
34. have you ever been cheated on? no
35. have you ever had sex with one of your myspace friends? well matt is on myspace
36. have you ever felt betrayed by your best friend? yes
37. have you ever felt like you were just completely rhino raped? What!?
38. have you ever lied to your parents? not more than they do to me...
39. have you ever been out of the US? no
40. have you ever thrown up from working out? no but i wanted to
41. have you ever gotten a haircut so bad that you wore a hat for a month straight? nope.
42. have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places in 1 day? I’m sure I have
43. have you ever gotten so wasted you didn't know what was going on? no but i threw up for liek 3 hours
44. have you ever spied on someone you had a crush on? not really
45. have you ever met someone you only know through myspace? yes
46. have you ever slept with one of your coworkers? well matt and i worked in the yes program together
47. have you ever seen your best friend naked? no
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Be my lover, and I'll cover you...
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| 2 more days... |
[09 Jun 2005|03:58pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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eve 6-- heres to the night |
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ok so tehre are two days left to my high school career and i dont know how to react. for the past 12 years i have been like ok see ya next year. and ive been expecting to have a great summer and come back to the bright shining faces taht i love so much to see. as much as we all dont wanna be there but we love to see all of our friends. and its still hasnt hit me completely that there is no next year. if i come back its just to visit and athts weird.
signing the yearbooks is weird too cuz there are so many people that you really take for granted the fact that you see them everyday but when it gets down to it you realize taht life isnt gonna be the same without them sitting next to you in english or complaining about working to the bell in physics. today jen said to me taht there are no more double periods of physics ever again and that just proves how little time there really is left to being a kid. its strange.
also seeing matt drive jsut shows me hwo old we really are. we are growing up. and its so strange to see taht. its liek in middle school every one thinks taht they are the coolest thing since sliced bread and that they are all grown up (which explains why they think its ok to have sex even tho they dont even have boobs yet)but they live with the comfort taht they will be with their friends next year. so they arent really entering the next phase of their lives yet cuz they still have that comfort blanket hidden inside. well now taht blanket is fading away and its hitting all of us taht we arent kids any more even tho we still wanna be.
i dotn knwo so yea i have an award ceremony tonight for a scholarship. dont wanna go. im done venting
its still gonna be an exciting new phase of life but its hard to believe taht its here already.
i lov emattchu lots...
<3 me
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2 kisses * Be my lover, and I'll cover you...
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| good weekend |
[30 May 2005|09:43pm] |
i had a good weekend cuz i spent most of it with mattchu. friday was senior cut day. first i went to dunkin donuts wiht ebits justine, alex and rachel. then i went to english where we took a test on general knowledge. then we spoke about tatoos. then i went home and then hungout wiht mattchu. we played video games. after that i wnt home while matt went to his dr's appt. then we hung out doing like nothing then we went to panera bread with kerri and ebits. then matt and i hung out.
then saturday i had work then went shopping for new dots clothes because i can now wear jeans to dots for work. then i went with ebits to get a bathing suit. then i went to the movies with mattchu and nicholas we saw the longest yard which was very funny. then we hung out some more and played trouble.
then on sunday. i had work which was very boring and sucky. o and the register blew up at work. and still isnt fixed but then i played baseball and it was fun and i did really well cuz i got on base twice during one inning and i played catcher cuz i suck at feilding. but thats ok. i had a really bad headache but matt made me feel better. he is so cute
then today i got to sleep late. then i cleaned and went to dots. then went to mattchu's house and we watched school of rock which i left there but tahts ok then we hungout. then we had chishko bobs (sp?) and had fun then we hungout more and then played trouble and cards then i went home and now im here. bu tit was fun
<3 i love mattchu
<3 me
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1 kiss * Be my lover, and I'll cover you...
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[26 May 2005|03:12pm] |
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yea so im trying to test out this cut thing cuz i have never done it before. and im gonna up date a little. im really tired of having to be worried about everything. and everyone. and i just wanna be able to relax and not have to deal wiht any of this shit anymore i wanna just be a fucking teenager who can have fun and be fucking spoiled like everyone else i knwo. i want to be able to be naieve. i would rather have people get mad at me cuz my parents bought me a car (even if its crappy), or a computer, or cuz i dont have to pay for too much of my college education, i dont want to have to worry about having to go to college cuz i have no one willing to cosign a loan for me. i shouldnt have to ask to have every thing waived cuz i dont have money to pay for it. i shouldnt be the one paying my rent instead of my mother cuz she sucks at life. i shoudlnt have to go with out cuz mydad is to busy supporting his whore instead of his three fucking children. its not fair tha ti have to sit here and whatch everyone else wiht their normal fucking families and lives and cars and pets with 1.6 children. i want to be able to update my journal with things like o i think i did good on my test today instead of i have to find a way to come up with 1134 dollars a month cuz my mther doesnt. i want to just be able to be normal. i want a normal fucking life.
( hey long survey )
fuckyou
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2 kisses * Be my lover, and I'll cover you...
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| i dont know |
[11 May 2005|08:02pm] |
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confused |
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jewel |
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i think its the change in the seasons or the time of year or the fact that there are only 23 school days left and 47 calander days til graduation or the problems with schools or that ap's are finally over but i have been very blue lately. im very unsure about my future. and life in general. i dont know who i will still have relationships with after college. i'm hoping it will still be most of you, but i dont know. i dont know what will happen in my future. i dont know how i will end up. who will still be important to me, WHAT will be important to me. i always say that i grew up when i was eleven but as much shit as i had to deal with i still dont knwo every thing about the world or what is out there or i havent really left the protection of high school. its so unsure. i dont even. i dont know. its just confusing. and here i know everyone and every one knows everyone else. and we all have each other. then out there is responsibility and hardship and adulthood. its scary. and like justine said today. we have spent 3 quarters of our lives [before that we dont even remember] in the comfort zone taht school presents and now it wont be there next year. we all say that we want school to end so much but next september we wont be back with the people we are so comfortable with. we wont be with our loved ones [well not completely] and it will just be different. ... ... ...
<3
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2 kisses * Be my lover, and I'll cover you...
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[02 May 2005|05:29pm] |
| Your Ultimate Purity Test 2.0 Score Is... | | | Your Score: | Average For All Users | Average For All Straight Liberal 15 to 21-Year old Females
(223 total) | | | Dating | 34.62% | 32.23% | 31.96% | Dated seriously | | Self-Lovin' | 81.82% | 59.52% | 69.17% | Never taken out of the packaging | | Shamelessness | 67.74% | 77.42% | 79.07% | It takes a couple of drinks | | Sex Drive | 88.1% | 75.1% | 79.06% | Monks are envious | | Straightness | 22.22% | 36.87% | 34.63% | Knows the other body type like a map | | Dominant | 81.67% | 86.09% | 91.38% | Afraid to cross at "Don't Walk" signs | | Submissive | 87.3% | 86.38% | 90.3% | Submits to no one... almost | | Fucking Sick | 93.88% | 89.36% | 92.29% | Refreshingly normal | | Gayness | 100% | 77.26% | 91.23% | Repressed, are we? | | Total Score | 77% | 72.91% | 77.44% | | Take The Ultimate Purity Test 2.0
and see how you match up!
(By The Ferrett) |
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Be my lover, and I'll cover you...
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| another quiz |
[25 Apr 2005|10:22pm] |
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mood |
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 dorky |
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music |
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news |
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i n f o r m a t i o n
1. name: Kristen
2. single or taken: taken
3. sex: sure
4. birthday: 03271987-im legal
6. siblings: ebits-19 jj-15
7. hair color: light brown/blonde
8. eye color: green
9. shoe size: 6.5
10. height: 5'3'' ish
r e l a t i o n s h i p s
1. who are your best friends? mattchu, nina, jojo.and other people i wont name :)
2. do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? matt pat nelson
f a s h i o n s t u f f
1. where is your favorite place to shop: h&m, pacsun,charlotte rouse
2. any tattoos or piercings: ears and i want 2 tattoos
s p e c i f i c s
1. do you do drugs? no
2. what kind of shampoo do you use? tresume, tresume, ooh la la!
3. what are you most scared of? buggies
4. who is the last person that called you? mi madre
5. Where do you want to get married? st patricks cathedral
6. what would you change about yourself? my... nothing im perfect J/k
f a v o r i t e s
1. color: green duh
2. food: mmm foood!
4. girls names: Kayte Elizabeth, Emily Michelle
5. subjects in school: chorus
6. animals: cats, dogs, monkies, bunnies
7. sports: baseball
h a v e y o u e v e r
1. given anyone a bath? do i count
2. smoked? no
3. bungee jumped?: nope.
4. made yourself throw up?: ewww
5. skinny dipped?: no
6: ever been in love?: yes
7. made yourself cry to get out of trouble? no but thats a good idea
9. actually seen your crush naked? yea
10. cried when someone died? yes.
11. lied: yes
12. fallen for your best friend?: yes, im going out with my best friend
13. been rejected?: yes
14. rejected someone? yes
16. done something you regret? yes.
c u r r e n t
clothes: green jacket, lucky stiff shirt, work pants, socks,undies, bra
music: fox 5 news
make-up: eye liner
annoyance: anyone who shops at dots
in cd player: dashboard
in dvd player: oceans 12
color of toenails: purple
l a s t p e r s o n
you touched: mattchu
hugged: mattchu
you im'ed: justine
you yelled at: i instant message yelled at justine
you kissed: mattchu
a r e y o u
understanding: if im at work no
open-minded: for the most part
arrogant: i can be
insecure: im not sure :)
interesting: meh
random: surely
hungry: i just ate 12 pizza rolls
smart: im going to nyu
moody: today no
organized: ha
shy: are you kidding
difficult: sometimes
attractive: you tell me
r a n d o m
In the morning i: go potty
love is: still smiling when you hang up the phone
i dream about: you dont wanna know
o p p o s i t e/s a m e s e x
what do you notice first: eyes
last person you slow danced with: matt nelson in his bedroom
worst question to ask: why?
who makes you laugh the most: prob matt or nicole
who makes you smile?: mattchu <3
d o y o u e v e r
sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to im you? that someone special doesnt go on line but when he does i get very excited, esp since its usually to comment in my lj
wish you were a member of the opposite sex? yea they have it soo easy
wish you were younger: all the time
cry because someone said something about you?: yea
n u m b e r
of times i have had my heart broken: once but wounds heal
of hearts i have broken: 2 probably
of guys i've kissed: 9
of girls i've kissed: on the cheek? a bunch (as a greeting)
of continents i have lived in: one im so boring
of chill friends: 6
of cds i own: most of my music is on my comp
of scars on my body: i was a wobbly child
f i n a l q u e s t i o n s
1. do you like filling these out? i get bored
2. gold or silver: silver
3. what was the last film you saw at the movies: amityville horror (eek)
7. favorite cartoon/anime? family guy, aquateen (no1 in the hood)
8. what did you have for breakfast this morning? bagel
10. who would you love being locked in a room with?: mattchu
11. could you live without your computer?: no
12. would you color your hair? i have many times
13. could you ever get off the computer: yes
14. habla espanol: si
15. how many people are on your buddy list?: 161
16. drink alcohol?: nope (straight edge representing)
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Be my lover, and I'll cover you...
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[24 Apr 2005|08:53pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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foolish games |
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this weekend sucked. i had no hot water. i have no one to cosign any loans with me. my family is completely split. my aunt got married this weekend and i was not allowed to go to the wedding cuz she was mad at my mom. so i could not watch her get married. between my bro and sis we have to pay the entirety of the rent. my mom has stopped trying to be a good mother. im basically living on my own. justine is probably very mad at me. and its not unjustified. i might not be able to pay for all of college cuz i cant find a cosigner. most people use their parents. but my parents cant and my family wont help cuz no one trusts my mom. they all think im like her and that im not responsible and that im just trying to screw them over. i dont understand why my family hates each other. well yes i do. rephrase i dont understand why my family hates me and my siblings because of my parents actions.
i cant take this any more.its my turn to be saved.
<3
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3 kisses * Be my lover, and I'll cover you...
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| i miss every one so much: |
[18 Mar 2005|10:26pm] |
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mood |
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melancholy |
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music |
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carry this picture--dashboard |
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i dont know how i can go this long with out seeing my friends and not going nuts. liek i love everyone here in IT and i do have a lot of great friends and i think you all are awesome. but some times its like a six year old at their first sleepover and they just want their mommy. i mean some of them i have known since kindergarten like you have with all of the people here and i go months at a time with out seeing my best friends. its like not having a part of your heart with you. when i read their journals and stuff. i see them having lives and me having less and less to do with it. and i know thats my fault too. but they are a part of my family and its like not talking to your sister for 3 years. that would hurt right? while im here i just kind of block out how much i miss them so i can go on with my daily life. but then when i go back all of the memories of even the stupidest shit comes back and i realize that im really losing them each day. it hurts so much to listen to their lives and watch my place in them disappear slowly. i know that i will always have a place in their hearts. but you dont even keep in touch with like 10% of your graduating class and i havent been in school wiht them since freshmen year. i never get to talk to them anymore. and now our lives are like completely seperate and we have all changed and i still love them as much as i did on the last day of school in ninth grade, but its always like im catching up and falling behind as they move forward with out me. like the other day i saw a friend that i havent seen in 9 years but its not liek hey havent seen you and now lets go hang out. its i havent seen you in nine years and i have no clue what has happened or who you really are as a person. i dont want to have to get to know my besr friends all over again. i dont want to lose what we did (and hopefully do still)have in common. sometimes i wish that i never moved and sometimes i think it might have been better if i had never left that place just for the sake of not losing my friends. and not that i dont love all of the IT people and i dont regret meeting all of you but you dont replace them you are new and great and just as good but its different. on the last day of school, i cried cuz i knew we were gonna drift apart and they all said that that would never happen and one specific friend wrote in my yearbook that i couldnt replace her cuz there would never be anyone to replace me but i cant find my place anymore. i dont know if it still exists. and i mean there might still be a place for me but its not as special. and i miss it. i cant help it
<3 me
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4 kisses * Be my lover, and I'll cover you...
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| long day |
[03 Mar 2005|07:47pm] |
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ALAS FOR YOU-GODSPELL |
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SOME ONE PLEASE SAVE ME!!! I CANT WAIT TILL THIS SCHOOL YEAR IS OVER AND IM AT STONYBROOK CUZ THEN HOPEFULLY I WILL BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH EVERYTHING BECAUSE I WILL BE SO FAR AWAY. AND THEN I WONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH ANYTHING BUT WHAT I WANT TO DEAL WITH. SORRY TO BE SELFISH BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I DESERVE TO BE EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE. (NOT ALL THE TIME LIKE OTHER PEOPLE) BUT YOU KNOW, EVERY ONCE INA WHILE! AHHHHHHH! AND THEN I CAN DO SOMETHING WITHOUT BEING INTERUPTED AND FLIPPED OUT ON CUZ SOMEONE INTERRUPTED ME!
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1 kiss * Be my lover, and I'll cover you...
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| crappiest vacation ever |
[26 Feb 2005|03:39pm] |
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mood |
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cranky |
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music |
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grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr |
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yea so this was the worst vacation ever. first my uncle was a big jerk to my sister on her birhtday. then on saturday matt went to his uncles house so i didnt get to see him till like 9 at night and my curfew is 11 then sunday i went to my dad's which wasnt bad but i didnt get to see matt, then on monday my aunt called and woke us up to yell at my sister for no reason really. then we had to leave my dad's early. matt was in the city mon-wed so i couldnt see him. tues, wed, and thurs, i had drama so i had to get up really early and dance and sing for 3 hours and have to listen to certain people complain about how crappy we all are and how we should be off book (i am) and how people should know their lines and how people are being "catty" even though they are the ones being "catty" and how our drama dept sucks and we suck from someone who didnt even bother to memorize their lines. then i had a lot of work when i wasnt supposed to (only some of it) then i had 14 chapters of the most boring book on the face of the planet to read for english, six chapters of bio stuff that we really should be learning in class not by ourselves, yes i understand that we ARE and AP class but we are not teachers so we shouldnt have to teach our selves instead of a "masters certified" teacher who only really talks about how wonderful her adopted son is and how much she is a hypochondriac, and english essay that is a pain in the butt and three physics labs. so yea matt came back wed night then thurs when i was supposed to hang out with matt my manager said i was "supposed to be working" when i was really on call. then i had work friday so i really didnt get to do much, and then today i was origonally supposed to hang out with matt all day, then on like wed he told me that he had to go to his uncle's house at 5 so i was like ok whatever i cant stop that, but we were supposed to hang out until then, and then today after i got my teeth cleaned his mom just took me home which i cant blame her, cuz she was probable tired but a little warning from matt would have been nice. instead of just going ok bye he could have at least told me this morning and given me the smallest clue. i just thought that was a little inconsiderate on his part (tellin me one thing and doing another) then tomm i have work 11-6 and i m still not dont with my hw. so yea this vacation really sucked
o and someons stole my pudding. cuz my family sucks. grrr.
!
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2 kisses * Be my lover, and I'll cover you...
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| never you worry... |
[21 Feb 2005|09:56pm] |
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 peaceful |
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guess |
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Fairy tales can come true
It can happen to you if you're young at heart (young at heart)
For it's hard, you will find
To be narrow of mind if you're young at heart (young at heart)
You can go to extremes with impossible schemes
You can laugh when your dreams fall apart at the seams
And life gets more exciting with each passing day
And love is either in your heart or on the way
Don't you know that it's worth
Every treasure on earth to be young at heart (young at heart)
For as rich as you are
It's much better by far to be young at heart (young at heart)
And if you should survive to a hundred and five
Look at all you'll derive out of bein' alive
And here is the best part, you have a head start
If you are among the very young at heart
(Don't you know that it's worth)
(Every treasure on earth to be young at heart)
(For as rich as you are)
(It's much better by far to be young at heart)
And if you should survive to a hundred and five
Look at all you'll derive out of bein' alive
And here is the best part, you have a head start
If you are among the very young at heart
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2 kisses * Be my lover, and I'll cover you...
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